


The Lull Of The Heart

by Illionite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A whole ton of it, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst, Barely any dialogue, Hajime is suffering, I don't really know what Oikawa classifies as, M/M, Sort of a relationship study in a messed up world, Tooru is suffering, Why must my favourites suffer, also i'm sorry, completely self-indulgent, i am suffering, knight!Iwaizumi, very dramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6991225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illionite/pseuds/Illionite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trapped between a wall and the sword of the man  he loves, Oikawa swims in the ocean of lies that separate them. When faced with a choice, what will they do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lull Of The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to all of you that have clicked on my newest work!  
> I would like to say that I don't know what this is, just that it was born out of the desperation of cramming for exams.  
> And, yeah. It is very angsty. But it did help, kinda.

“Do it.”

The wall is rough where it presses against Oikawa, the blunt edges of some misplaced bricks uncomfortable where they dig into his back. 

Oikawa gives a low, bitter chuckle, bringing the blade against his throat closer to his skin. The tilt of his head is haughty, drunk on a pride that feels misplaced for the first time in his life, and when he lowers his hooded gaze in search of a solution that was never an option he is careless of the fact that the action causes red to bloom on his neck.

Grey eyes follow the drop until it disappears under the collar of his shirt, a conglomerate of feelings fighting for control in the very depths of them. The brows framing the twin storms furrow further and Oikawa suppresses the urge to brush his fingers over it, to lessen the burdens that have caused it. Such gentle touches will remain a memory of better times. Times covered in a blanket of lies that shielded their own, little world from the harsh truth that threatened to shatter it in a myriad of pieces.

 

Oikawa is lost. 

 

There is no other way to explain the sudden longing for directions, for stability, for a purpose. Oikawa feels as though the world has been knocked from under his feet, suspending him in a nebula of darkness that prevents him from seeing what a month ago he had been able to discern so clearly. 

A mission, like many others, objectives clear and orders impossible to refuse.

Oikawa closes his eyes to hide the grief they are showing, the blade delving deeper into his skin with the sudden lump in his posture. The sting of it is lost in the ocean of pain Oikawa is sinking into with every second he spends cornered against the wall. 

He longs for finality, is what he tells himself when he meets Iwaizumi’s gaze, the grey of his eyes drowning in a very familiar sorrow. 

Iwaizumi adjusts his posture, ensuring there are no gaps for him to escape through. Oikawa chuckles brokenly at the sight of it, convinced that there is no way he would be able to take a single step.

Iwaizumi is used to his antics. It is not the first time that the edge of his sword has trapped him. But unlike the other times, this one will not end in with stolen kisses and sheer joy thrumming through young veins, lost in the seemingly endless possibilities. 

Oikawa longs for finality, is what he tells himself when he opens his mouth, decided to put and end to everything.

“Come on,” he says, voice rough with emotion. “It’s not that complicated, is it? It’s all in the wrist. One flick and all your problems will disappear.”

Iwaizumi remains silent, eyes darting between Oikawa’s lips and the blood on his neck.

“Are you, perhaps, waiting for a request? Well, here it is,” Oikawa continues, trying to drive this impossible situation to its end. His voice is cold when he pronounces the next words. “Kill me, Iwa-chan. Fulfill your duty as the King’s Head Guard.”

Surprisingly, that gets a reaction out of Iwaizumi, a jolt that seems to shake the very foundations of the Earth. 

“Don’t call me that,” he barks out harshly. His grip on the sword tightens and a stream of scarlet begins to make its way down Oikawa’s throat until in pools in the hollow of his throat.

“Why?”Oikawa questions, voice devoid of all warmth, as though his humanity has left him. This newfound humanity that left him shaking the first time it opened his eyes to the world, vibrant with colour and life. The humanity that Iwaizumi had, unknowingly (or perhaps not so unknowingly), given him.

Humanity came with emotions more complex than fear and the instinct to stay alive. Love, confusion and hope, amongst many others, were things Oikawa thought he would never get to experience, and yet, in the expanse of a month, he had been showered with them until his mind was dizzy with new information and his heart was lost in a soaring high.

He was nowhere near true understanding of emotions, however, especially not from this new perspective he had been shown, but the utter desolation, confusion and betrayal in Iwaizumi’s eyes were very obvious to him.

Iwaizumi growls, anger seeping in to join his already conflicted emotions. The blade digs in deeper, drawing more and more blood with each passing second. Oikawa wonders if, given enough time, it would be enough to kill him. 

“You have no right!” Iwaizumi snarls, face inches away from Oikawa’s. “You lied to me! You betrayed me! You used my trust for your own schemes! And you ask why you can’t use that stupid nickname?”

 

Oikawa is tired. 

 

There is no other way to explain the deep exhaustion settled deep into his bones, wearing them down and making it hard to breathe. He wants nothing more than to lie down and sleep, and perhaps wake up to the possibility of all this being just a terrible dream conjured by his sick and sadistic mind.

A voice in the back of his head wonders if this is the punishment he gets for killing all those people. It taunts him, mocking words cutting deep into his soul. How could he have ever thought that he could get a happy ending? After all he has done?

Oikawa laughs bitterly and Iwaizumi’s face twists with anguish.

“I loved you!” Iwaizumi screams, the corners of his eyes glinting. “I trusted you! And yet…” he lets his words trail back to nothing.

Oikawa wants to apologize, to scream his frustrations into the cloudy spring sky, but he knows it would be useless. Iwaizumi is a man of action, after all, and it would take too long to prove his words.

There wasn’t even time to begin with, Oikawa realizes darkly. This whole relationship started with a timer already depleted. What they had been living was a lie on minutes desperately clawed from fate itself. And nobody, Oikawa had learned, toyed with fate. 

“Iwaizumi,” he murmurs, and it’s the voice of a dying man, the voice of someone that was ready to give everything up.

Oikawa watches as pain, impossible as it looked, doubled in the eyes of the man that had showed him what being human meant. The man that he had loved fiercely. The man that he still loved.

Tears track down Iwaizumi’s cheeks, unbidden. Oikawa wants nothing more than to kiss them away.

Hate was an emotion he was familiar with, even before meeting Iwaizumi. Hate was an emotion that had been his default setting, despite what others may have said upon looking at him. Hate was an emotion he normally inflicted upon himself, instead of the outside world. Hate was something dull while in the company of Iwaizumi Hajime. 

Hate was something that hit him like an earthquake in that very second, cutting through the numbness that had spread over him and tearing him apart with guilt.

 

Oikawa wants to leave.

 

He doesn’t care how, he just wants to rid Iwaizumi of his existence. He knows now that this little experiment of his was something that he can’t, and never could, handle. He knows that asking Iwaizumi to kill him is selfish, he knows that dying itself is selfish, a simple and cowardly way of running away.

But he has never been brave, despite what most say.

It is out of fear that he lunges forward. It is out of fear that he captures Iwaizumi’s lips with his, kissing him with a desperation that had not fueled him in years. It is out of fear that he closes his eyes to not see Iwaizumi’s face, to avoid the gaze that could easily bring him to his knees in surrender.

Oikawa does it out of fear that he will lose his resolve. 

Iwaizumi gasps against his mouth, all surprise and pain, but he still responds to Oikawa’s kiss with the same desperation, the same knowledge that this is the last of them all. They lick and caress, trying to speak through the kiss. Oikawa understands. He knows Iwaizumi does, too. 

Oikawa lifts a trembling hand to an equally trembling blade and closes his fingers around it, the cold metal cutting into his flesh.

Oikawa knows that what he is about to do is a twisted manifestation of his need of liberty. This is a small mercy he gives himself. He knows he was condemned from the moment his newest mission was assigned to him. He is just making time move faster to compensate for the one he had stolen. 

With a last harsh clash of teeth and lips, Oikawa moves away from Iwaizumi. He opens his eyes first and sees that Iwaizumi’s are still closed. Oikawa knows he has to move fast, because his beloved may have realized his intentions. Because Oikawa knows that Iwaizumi, despite the threat of the blade at his throat, would not be able to take his life.

Horrified realization is the last emotion Oikawa sees on the tan face of the man that had brought him such happiness. Pure grief is the sound he hears when he closes his eyes. Coldness is what greets him as the blade slashes at the tender skin of his throat. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry...  
> Anyway, if you've survived the trainwreck of feels that is this fic, thank you very much for reading until the end!!!  
> Any comments with suggestions, constructive criticism, typos or simply to just say hi are very much appreciated!!! And of course kudos are very much loved too!!  
> Also, I might write a prequel sometime. I just needed to get the angst out of my system.
> 
> PD: Also, in case it wasn't clear, Oikawa was tasked with infiltrating Iwa's castle, gathering info and then killing both Iwa and the king.


End file.
